Day in the Life

House Rules

Originally posted under the moniker "Prozac Princess" on the Sonlight Teacher's Lounge forum, January 2003. For some reason, everyone found this list to be hilarious. (But I was deadly serious when I wrote it.)

(This list can also be a humorous counter-article to my A Day in the Life story!)

Daily Responsibilities and House Rules
These should be done without being told!

First thing in the morning – before leaving your room

	Get up no earlier than 6:30, no later than 7:30
	Get dressed in school clothes or church clothes
	Make bed
	Put pajamas behind pillow

No complaining. Mama and Papa work hard to provide this life for you. If you don’t like it, fine; but you may NOT complain about it.

Morning Chores – to be completed before doing anything else, and before Mama is ready to start school.

	Put pajamas behind pillow
	Morning chores (empty dishwasher, gather laundry)
	Eat breakfast; if Mama isn’t up, don’t wait – fix cereal and toast (If you don’t like cereal and toast, fine; lunch is at noon)
	Rinse dishes and place in dishwasher. Remember, if you don't like the dishwasher, I'd be happy to let you use a sink full of soapy water to wash all the dishes tomorrow.
	Brush teeth – do a good job! If you do not do a good job, Mama will do it for you. No second chances.
	Listen to AWANA memory verses
	If Mama and Papa are not up, read quietly from your Bible story book or devotional book until they do get up. Sit in a different room from your siblings. (This means where you cannot see each other!)

You are required to take your share of your responsibility in this house (this means you don't have a choice). If you do not complete your morning chores before Mama is ready to start school, you will lose your free time for the day. No exceptions.

Home School

	Come when called.
	Focus on work.
	Finish all homework before free time.
	Absolutely, positively, no whining.

School is your job. It is not optional. (This means you don't have a choice!) You will not oppose Mama. Period.

You are not required to enjoy school. However, you are not allowed to complain about it. You are required to cooperate. School is enough work for Mama without her having to fight you on it as well. NO OPPOSITION.

If you complain, your work in that subject may be doubled. Whining gets 10 minutes of jumping jacks for the first offense, 15 minutes for the 2^nd offense. No exceptions. Mama’s word is law – you complain, your time is automatically doubled. Three offenses and you lose all free time for the day.

Meals

	Absolutely, positively, no whining.
	Eat what is put in front of you.
	Do not complain.
	Do not insult the cook by telling him/her you do not like the food. It’s rude.
	Sit at table until everyone else is finished.
	Clear your plate, rinse it, and place in dishwasher.
	If the dishwasher is full, empty it.
	Thank the cook. (After a particularly bad day, it’s not a bad idea to also kiss the cook.)

If you don’t like the food Mama fixes, you don’t have to eat it. But you must sit cheerfully and quietly at the table until everyone else is finished. You may not complain about it, and you may not have anything else until the next meal. No dessert if any food is left on plate. If you persist in complaining, your day is over. If you throw up, your day is over.

Free time – only to be allowed after school for cooperative children

	If the dishwasher is full, empty it.
	Free time is only for children who finish homework.
	Free time is only for children who have cheerfully cooperated.
	Children who oppose Mama are not entitled to free time.
	Children who lose free time will do extra homework, unpleasant chores, run laps, or take naps instead. Mama chooses every time. No exceptions.
	Free time may be spent playing outside (quietly, please – remember we have neighbors), playing board games, reading, or playing with toys.
	Computer use is indefinitely suspended until behavior improves.
	Comic books, especially Calvin and Hobbes, are indefinitely suspended until behavior improves. Here’s a hint: Calvin is NOT a good role model. If Calvin does it, it’s a sure bet that Mama does NOT want you doing it.

Whining, crying, and screaming. Mama has had enough. Whining, crying, and screaming are not acceptable. 10 minutes of jumping jacks for the first offense, 15 minutes for the 2^nd offense. Mama’s word is law – you complain, your time is automatically doubled. Three offenses and you lose all free time for the day.

Tattling. Mama has had enough. If you tattle, you get the punishment for whatever the other person did. The only exception is for behavior that puts another person in physical danger, and you still may suffer consequences if you don’t report the behavior in a respectful manner.

Quarrelling. Mama has had enough. Persistent quarrelling will end your day.

Remember:

Mama doesn’t care who started it.

Mama doesn’t care who is right.

Mama doesn’t care who had it first.

Mama doesn’t care who got it last time.
“Life isn’t fair, and Mama doesn’t care.” Live with it.

Errands

In the car, sit where you are told without complaining. No arguing if a sibling gets the preferred spot more often. Life isn’t fair, and Mama doesn’t care. If you complain, you will sit in the back for a week.

Work

	You live here. You will help. Period. End of story.
	No complaining.

Remember: If you do not work, you do not eat. If your room is not clean, you will stay there until it is clean or until bedtime. If you’re still in your room when a meal is served, too bad. Finish fast.

If Mama needs your help, you will give it. If you don’t, your day is over – Mama has too much to do to deal with children who won’t help.

Bedtime

· If you have special requests for read-alouds, etc., make them before 7:00. Special requests will not be considered later.

· 7:00 p.m. Wind-down. Start settling down. If you do not settle down, you will go to your room early.

· Brush teeth – do a good job! If you do not do a good job, Mama will do it for you. No second chances.

· 7:30. Clean-up time. Pick up your toys in your room. If your room is not clean, you lose your reading time.

· 8:00. Bedtime. You may read if you have not lost the privilege.

· 9:00. Lights out.

· Toddler bedtime routine starts one hour earlier.

If you do not respect the bedtime schedule, you may lose reading time tomorrow.

Attitudes

· Speak respectfully to everyone.

· Don’t argue with those God has placed in authority over you – even if they are wrong. That is disrespectful. When you are older, we will talk about ways to respectfully disagree. For now, remember that life isn't fair and live with it.

· Say “Yes, Papa,” and “Yes, Mama,” etc. No “Yeah”s or "Huh"s. Ever.

· No bossing.

· No bullying.

· No scowling, sulking, or moping.

If you treat each other with disrespect, you will earn jumping jacks. Lots of ‘em. After three offenses, you lose free time for the day. If you persist in your bad attitude, your day is over. Mama has too much work to do to deal with bad attitudes. If you want to be part of the family, improve. If not, go to bed.